Marry me! I realize I don't have the qualities you look for, I'm missing a couple of essential parts, and have some extra parts which aren't on your list. However, I will make you incredibly happy. For instance, I'm exceptional at finding the special qualities you do look for, the ones I'm missing.
Of course, our marriage won't be legal as I'm already happily married. And I won't let you wear the dress at our wedding, at least not a white one. But we would have a fantastically beautiful wedding, with fantastically beautiful men, delightfully wicked decorations, and if you wear that suit from the American Idol finale, or should I call it costume, I'll even let you sing!
If you don't want to marry me, I'll understand of course. You can, of course, make me your faghag instead. May I suggest we create a special type of marriage, which celebrates the faghag and her mate. We'll even create a new business for it and call it Unique Matrimony.
I picture black streamers, a dark chocolate cake, Chippendale dancers, and lots of Billy Idol type clothing. The invitations will read "costume and makeup required".
If this blatant attempt to wear my wedding dress again has failed, may I suggest I plan your wedding in Iowa? I guess Clay Aiken is out of the question? Oh well, noone loves a drama queen anyhow. Or, if you really want to have some fun, your friends and my friends can throw a big gala wedding in front of Brigham Young University.
But I still think you should marry me AdamLambert!
PS: Honeymoon at the Vatican ok for you? BYOM (Bring Your Own Man)
All my best,
Alex
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